Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
20: Antichrist
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| I dream of acorns. I don't know why. |
Guilty of: Hard to take with the graphicness and brutality. Simple, understated plot with no real depth. Many critics would go so far as to call it pretentious and shallow.
What I say: Well, yeah, the genital mutilation scenes are hard to take, so I wouldn’t expect any normal person to make it through this film. It’s also a film that’s very light with the story and characters; it’s basically just a guy and a woman at a cabin in the woods, trying to kill each other for no apparent reason. What makes this film great, however, will be its visuals. The opening montage is a thing of beauty, shot in black-and-white with some of the most gorgeous slow-motion shots ever filmed. From then on, there’s a lot of strange and surreal imagery that’s outlandish, fantastic, and darkly beautiful. Even though the film never states its themes outright, the visuals carry enough power and feeling to make the viewer ponder on what the film’s supposedly about. It’s not so much a film as it is a piece of art: the artist merely threw some shapes and forms together, and it’s up to you to derive the meaning. Now, good luck trying to figure out why this film is called Antichrist.
My score: 5/5
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19: House on Haunted Hill (1999)
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| "The doctor is in." |
Guilty of: Unsophisticated, unoriginal, totally not scary. Weak final act relies on an overdose of special effects (and it did end at an odd spot).
What I say: This movie creeped me out when I first saw it, and it still does. It takes a lot for ghost stories to scare me, but dang, the ghosts in this movie were flat-out crazy and violent; the way they moved and spazzed out was unsettling, and the gnarly kills made them really threatening. So by the time the big black mass of ghosts crept out of the walls, I was really feeling the fear. The last act may not have scared many people, but that thing was so unnatural and invincible that it had me at the edge of my seat. On top of all that, the film has a wicked style and atmosphere, and it never drags. People may favor the original 1959 film, but you know, the old one never scared me much at all…
My score: 4/5
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18: Daylight
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| Is it getting hot in here? |
Guilty of: Horrible acting from the supporting cast, standard disaster movie fare.
What I say: The characters do make some dumb moves and act stupidly, but their struggle for survival is still intense and compelling enough to keep me hooked. The film has one of the most bombastic and impressive disasters of all films (which in turns provides some interesting implications and dynamics that affect the progression of the story). Certainly not the smartest disaster movie ever made, but I always enjoyed it.
My score: 4/5
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17: X-Men Origins: Wolverine
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| Go ahead, say you don't like my movie! |
Guilty of: Iffy writing, iffy editing, mixed quality of special effects, dull story.
What I say: I would agree that something is off about this promising prequel, but I’ve learned to forgive the film of its flaws and enjoy the story as it is. The story’s plot twists never felt right to me, but on repeat viewings, I grew to appreciate them more. Above all, the action scenes are often incredible, and most of the acting is phenomenal (especially from Hugh Jackman and Liev Schreiber).
My score: 3.5/5
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16: Tom Yum Goong (The Protector)
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| Where's my elephant? I want my elephant! |
Guilty of: Weak plot and choppy editing. Confusing subtitles and dubbing doesn’t help either. Nothing terribly deep or sophisticated.
What I say: I think most action fans will agree that this film totally rocks. I remember in the 00s that Thai martial arts really took off with a bang, thanks to Ong Bak and its incredible fights and parkour scenes. Plot-wise, The Protector is pretty much the same story as Ong Bak, only swapping out a statue for an elephant; themes of poaching and trafficking ensue. What really matters here will be the action, and it is some awesome stuff. One of the biggest highlights is an epic fight in which Tony Jaa takes on scores of bad guys across four floors of a building…and the camera NEVER cuts! Just one continuous take of this guy rushing up these stairs and taking out bad guys; the logistical prowess, the choreography, and the overall skill of such a feat is unparalleled. With oodles of other great fights and action scenes, The Protector really is one of the most entertaining martial arts movies available.
My score: 4/5
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15: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Guilty of: Long, loud, messy, and obnoxious with no real substance. The twins didn’t help either. A few other nitpicks with the concepts (like robot heaven) may have rubbed viewers the wrong way too.
What I say: Huh? What? This movie sucked? I swear, I got back from the theater thinking it was the awesomest thing ever! Revenge of the Fallen took the action to a whole new level, with the robots tearing up highways, aircraft carriers, and the pyramids of Egypt like it’s nobody’s business. With really tiny Transformers, really huge ones, really goofy ones, really cool ones, the filmmakers went all-out to provide the next biggest spectacle. I believe they succeeded, and I believe they still told a story that’s enjoyable and easy enough to follow. It could have used some refinement, but it’s still one heck of a blast. This fine spectacle would only be surpassed by the next TF sequel!
My score: 4/5
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14: Airplane II: The Sequel!
Guilty of: For the most part, considered highly inferior to the first film. Retreads many of the same jokes.
What I say: Having grown up with this film, I have fond memories of it. I always enjoyed the outer space settings and all the jokes, even if the jokes were the same as from the first Airplane movie. To me, this sequel goes hand-in-hand with #1, especially since most of the cast returns and the comedic style remains the same. With plenty of original jokes and gags up its sleeve, the film remains a highly entertaining romp. I still quote it from time to time, especially from William Shatner’s cameo appearance.
My score: 5/5
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13: xXx
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| Impossible bike stunt #251... |
Guilty of: Too much action, too much silliness and stupidity.
What I say: This is another movie that I just know is bad to some degree, especially in the absurdity of its story and stuntwork, but I still enjoyed it. The action, even at its most unbelievable, does satisfy. I also grew to enjoy Xander Cage as a character. The whole thing tries its best to be rough and gritty, but is never fully brutal. Nothing terribly substantial or mature, but perfect entertainment for me nonetheless.
My score: 3/5
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12: The Transporter
Guilty of: Weak plot, considered incoherent.
What I say: With some awesome car chase scenes, and fights scenes that are extremely fast and brutal, the film definitely entertains. The plot is not much, but it definitely has its moments, especially with showcasing a rigid character who decides to break his own rules. Despite being on the insubstantial side, I do consider this a must-see film for action junkies.
My score: 4/5
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11: Doomsday
Guilty of: Rips off a bunch of other films, lacks a cohesive narrative or charismatic lead characters.
What I say: This film does indeed rip off a jillion other movies (most notably, Escape from New York and the Mad Max series). However, the film is very fast-paced, pulpy, and has some really cool fights and chase scenes. Despite some jittery camerawork, the film is stylish. A few cool and novel ideas (whether original or not) keep it engaging for a nerd like myself. For the most part, though, I just find it sublimely entertaining.
My score: 3/5
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10: Death Race
Guilty of: Mindless and empty.
What I say: While lacking in character development and serious emotional investment, Death Race is one of the rawest, most badass, most exciting films of its type. It gives the original Death Race 2000 film a much-needed make-over, complete with an awesome array of rough, heavily-armored cars, loads of crazy bloodshed, and highly kinetic action scenes. The story and main concept are handled well. Overall, the film delivered everything I expected.
My score: 4/5
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09: Charlie’s Angels
Guilty of: Extremely silly and over-the-top. Style over substance. At its worse, chauvinistic.
What I say: Man, is this film ever silly. I was taken aback as to how ridiculous and over-the-top the film was, but in time, I learned to sit back and enjoy the thrill ride. And why not? It’s got plenty of action to spare, a bright and lighthearted spirit, humor, and a trio of wonderfully playful and attractive ladies. I think what I love best about the film is that it lends itself easily to repeat viewings, thanks to all the detail and nuances put into the story, characters, and the insane amount of costumes this production uses. Over the years, this has become one of my top go-to movies for a quick and easy dose of action and sex appeal.
My score: 4/5
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08: Die Another Day
Guilty of: Considered the worst James Bond movie ever. Overblown and over-the-top.
What I say: As a Bond fan, this film blew me away when I first saw it. It gets a little silly, but I always loved the Austin Martin and all its gadgets, and its ultimate duel with the villain’s decked-out car on a field of ice. There are a bunch of thrilling fight scenes. Although I initially felt the film borrowed too much from previous 007 films, I learned to appreciate the nuances in the characters, especially the main villain. This film is also very bold and notable for its opening act, which takes such an iconic and invincible hero and puts him through the most suffering of any movie in the series.
My score: 4/5
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07: G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra
Guilty of: Silly, cartoonish, and over-the-top. Weak writing, weak acting.
What I say: This film is all, like, less yapping and more zapping! Hardly a moment goes by without some crazy futuristic weaponry going off, causing some mass carnage. The chase scene in Paris remains one of my favorite action scenes of the past decade; it’s an awesome scene where cars go flying off in all directions. There are loads more spectacle as the characters frequently clash and fight and battles break out across the globe. There’s admittedly not much plot to all this, but for a quick fix of stylish and explosive action, this film satisfies.
My score: 3/5
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06: Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Guilty of: Once again, it’s Transformers. Real film snobs turn their noses up at Michael Bay. Specifically, it’s loud, bloated, obnoxious, and still has thin substance.
What I say: This film has so many explosions, so many special effects, so many battles and fights that it will melt your face off and turn your brain to a dense gooey mush. Dark of the Moon successfully surpasses the other two TF films in terms of spectacle, with a major fight or battle breaking out every ten minutes or so. Then the last hour is just one long epic struggle, with robots tearing up an entire city as they lay the smackdown on each other. If it’s a big and badass spectacle I want, I look no further than this!
My score: 4.5/5
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05: I Spit On Your Grave (1978)
Guilty of: Trashy, simple, ugly, hard to watch, very notorious for its violence.
What I say: With an agonizing scene of torture and humiliation that runs on for nearly forty minutes, I wouldn’t expect a normal person to sit through this trashy affair. It is indeed a hard and ugly thing to watch. However, from such ugly atrocities give way to the sweetest revenge scenes; I can’t help but to root for the woman when she tracks down her oppressors and wickedly murders the lot of them. Camille Keaton did an exceptional job of not only portraying the trauma, but also strength and resolve. As brutal and uncompromising as these revenge scenes are, it’s no wonder this film was originally entitled Day of the Woman.
My score: 4/5
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04: Dune
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| "The sleeper has awakened!" |
Guilty of: Considered gaudy, messy, and incomprehensible. Takes some liberties with the original novel (especially in replacing “desert power” with “weirding modules”). Even the director, David Lynch, declared it was his biggest failure. Bombed at the box office.
What I say: There’s a certain power to this film that I’ve always found mesmerizing and awe-inspiring: a power that’s emotional and epic. A lot of it is in the visuals; weird and surreal as they are, the imagery really packs a punch for a lot of the scenes and concepts. I also think that Kyle MacLachlan’s performance is very powerful and commanding, giving the film even more weight. A few odd scenes, a few humorous scenes, and a very wicked production design help make the film stand out as a fantastic work of science fiction unlike any other. Granted that the sci-fi miniseries for Dune presented the story better, David Lynch’s film captured the style and power of the story the best.
My score: 5/5
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03: The Matrix Revolutions
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| "Everything that has a beginning has an end." |
Guilty of: Doesn’t have as much brain-food as the other two Matrix movies. Disappointing conclusion.
What I say: I’ve always been a sucker for grand finales. After some slight drag in the first act, The Matrix Revolutions roared on full-steam ahead with some of the most incredible and awe-inspiring action scenes I had ever seen. The Battle of Zion, which pits a swarm of wicked machines against the last of the human race, is a harrowing and fantastic sequence. The final duel between Neo and Agent Smith (despite being a little long and pointless) is phenomenal, as they fly through the air and bash each other into buildings. Fight scenes are as skillfully-executed as ever, while the visuals continue to impress. At the time, I thought the shot with Neo’s fist driving through the raindrops and slamming into Smith’s face was the best special effect I had ever seen; you could even see the veins and the impression of the fist on Smith’s face!
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| "He fights for us..." |
In time, I grew to see the redeeming value of the Matrix’s final film. It builds strongly on a theme of duality and opposites, and by fusing two equal and opposite forces, it brought a logical end to the story’s overall conflict. It was the spectacle I longed for ever since I first laid eyes on the Matrix, and I believe it is still a decent finale.
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| "It was, after all, it was your life that taught me the purpose of all life. The purpose of life is to end." |
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02: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
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| "At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge." |
Guilty of: Jar Jar Binks. Very iffy acting and writing. Lots of cheese. Questionable plot and character development.
What I say: Well, I’m as shameless of a Star Wars fan as any other Star Wars fan, so it’s no surprise that I’d stick with all the feature films regardless of how bad or cheesy they are. I actually have fond memories of 1999, when this film stormed the box office scene and everybody could really feel the hype and suspense this film’s release generated. Although the spectacle of The Phantom Menace has since been outdone by Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith, this film was once an impressive feat. Something like 90% of it was digitally animated, pushing the boundaries of technology to paint great, otherworldly settings and planetscapes. It brought a myriad of strange alien lifeforms and droids to life. Above all, it gave us great action setpieces, such as the epic podrace scene and the Battle of Naboo. The lightsaber duels here are among some of the best ever filmed. A lavish production design with gorgeous shooting locales helped give the film a bright and gleaming edge.
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| "Negotiations were short." |
Right now, TPM ranks as my least-favorite Star Wars film, and I think it’s considered everybody’s least-favorite. At one point, however, I revered it for its technical prowess and explosive action. If nothing else, it will always resonate with me for its adventurous, lighthearted, perhaps even naive spirit.
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| "Remember: Your focus determines your reality." |
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01: Sucker Punch
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| Ow! |
Guilty of: Often lambasted for having a weak or incomprehensible plot and story, for being emotionless, for being all-style-and-no-substance, and even going so far as being misogynistic.
What I say: If nothing else, you can bet that I love the action and visual style of this film. The film pits a group of badass heroines against giant robot samurai, steampunk soldiers, orcs and dragons, and robots across four distinct fantasy environments. Each fantasy segment is a nerd’s dream brought to vivid life, all full of vibrant detail and excitement. Despite all the criticism, most audiences agree that the action satisfies.
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| "Its everyone of us who holds power over the world we create." |
The relationship between reality and fantasy is better understood in the film’s Extended Cut, available on disc. Quite a few key scenes are extended and elaborated upon to reinforce the parallels between the three layers of reality that exist in the film. With a smoother transition that makes more sense, I recommend this version of the film the best.
As you may surmise, even with the theatrical cut, I did not trip over this film’s perspective shifts the way other audiences did. If anything, I found it stimulating to try and understand the film’s structure. While some more character development would have been welcome, I did sense a key message regarding empowerment, as the dialogue seemed to beckon to the characters (and possibly the audience) to stand up and fight for what they believe in.
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| "You have all the weapons you need. Now fight." |
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| "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." |
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